Reflections.... guys....

Hi people who read this. I think I am going to begin with a shout-out to all the sweet girls out there who are waiting around for the right man to come along and be the right man for them. God bless all of you. To the women out there who are settling for idiots, it certainly isn’t helping your sisters out there find a decent man. As long as guys can still get girls treating them like crap, there is gonna be a lot of fewer of the good brand of guys around. Word to my fellows as well who are treating women properly. Stick with it sirs. Persevere through getting hurt, and persevere treating women the way they definitely deserve to be treated. It takes time for women to realize that there is guys out there who don’t want to treat them like crap, and can be good for hanging out with. Where would I place myself on this list? Where would you place me on this divide?
What should I begin with now? I think I should just get into the current fears and struggles I am having. I guess I could really begin by claiming my insecurities. I really don’t think I’m good looking, and that is a real big problem for me. I also know that I am kind of nerdy at times. This still puts a big downer on my tackling of challenges and fears. Insecurity is a huge problem for anyone. For those of you who have it, you know what I mean. What else? I have been trampled in a previous relationship and am utterly scared of being put in that position again. Some girls see insecurity and take advantage, I don’t want that to be me. Actually, I have kind of decided to just go for friends right now. I don’t want to be officially committing to liking anybody right now. As soon as a guy commits to even liking a girl, people start pressuring and expecting action to follow. Committing to officially like someone starts a snowball rolling that turns into an avalanche if you are a guy. Guys these days have been put in a place of you either need to not care, or you need to be really careful about everything you do. If a guy is careful about 98% of the girls they meet and aware of how they are treating them and about the honesty factor and slip on that 2%, guess what they hear about? From the unlucky one who gets hurt out of it, and their friends, and outsiders looking in. They get torn down. “What an awful guy, he hurt me, led me on, said something that made me feel bad about myself, looked at me the wrong way, responded the wrong way, didn’t call me, didn’t hug me before he left, didn’t know I was into him, or is just plain having a guy moment and is dumb!” “He is such a guy, meets our low expectations of how guys are, those low-lifes.” I try to laugh these comments off, but I think it has become time for girls to grow up in the area of accepting and understanding. Realizing that guys forget, they change their minds, they think, they like jokes, they like doing dumb things, they even like to embarrass themselves every once in a while. They are visual, they do enjoy mindless games and time to just forget and zone out of what is going on around them. Guys also sometimes like to take some time and seek what God has in store for them and are often willing to wait around for awhile and see what that is without making a hasty decision or claim. Sometimes they don’t want to have to be clear about their intentions or their feelings cause they aren’t always sure. Guys can disconect easily from something. Guys feelings are mysterious even to them half the time. They don’t always think before they talk. They are genuinely interested in sports usually. They like to do things they are good at, and see giving a lot of effort and passion into something as serving God. Especially if they think they are good at it. They also feel a lot of pressure from outside to be confident, secure, have goal, and be persevering through adversity. A lot of guys honestly put on a front that they are calm, cool, collected, and have things under control. Usually they don’t, Anyways, that is it for now. I’ll talk more again later, Ben

A day's thoughts

So Hello, You are actually going to get what I write, cause I am writing it in word first. Recently, I have been becoming more convinced that I need to be at my own church. I actually think that I need to get involved as an intern pastor at my church. The small group that I partially lead is learning how to demonstrate true community. Have you ever seen true community demonstrated? They have so many plans and ambitions. They want to see people come to the Lord, and people grow, and they want to meet God more intimately and closely than before. Boy do they have me excited. Despite a set back that has us trying to come up with a different service project, they have maintained a positive attitude. Anyways, you probably want to hear about me. Well, as you probably know, there are a lot of girls who are important to me in my life. I listed them in my initial blog. They are getting through life, trying to find love and happiness and the majority of them are trying to serve God as well. The truth about my dating world is that whenever I have gotten close to any of them, in a dating sense, my priorities quickly place God in at least a second place. It has become easier over time for me to realize what is going on. The last break-up I had was pretty much a result of that realization. The truth of the matter is, despite my desire and feeling of need for having a girl in my life, it truly becomes a distraction for me everytime. I need to learn how to follow God whole-heartedly. He loves me, and only when I am close on His heels am I going to feel the fulfillment which I desire in serving God. Does that mean that I want to be celebate or think that is a possibility. Well obviously, it is a possibility, but the truth is that I think God is just going to put the right girl in place for me when the time is right. I think the test He is placing me in is whether I am able to continue seeking Him. Will I sacrifice everything to follow His leading for me? And do I care about those girls, heck yes! And is there a want inside of me to be with a super-hot woman? Yeah, there is! But we will see what God does for me. He knows me best. He knows how my mind words and my thoughts about women. There are things that I have looked for previously in women whom I have dated and met, and there is things that I avoid, but I am also slowly being transformed into one who sees beauty through God’s eyes and am able to see girls, and anybody the way God sees them. My heart is beginning to burn with compassion, if I let God continue to work in me. My job at camp is going to be exciting, and I hope to be completely focused on God and His view on the campers and the staff.

On a different note, I also need to see myself the way God sees me. I am often really critical of myself and my downfalls. Feelings of uselessness often come into my mind. God has given me a gift, and I am just nervous about how God is going to use me. I think I know what He is calling me to do, but I am not sure. It is a dream and a vision that I have. I am speaking with Jason Frizzell tomorrow and am wondering what he is going to suggest to me. Pray for me if you read this before then. Also pray that I will be motivated to actually seek a place where God wants to use me and the gifts he has given me. I don’t want to settle for the first place that offers me, but I want to be at a place where I am being called and can actively make a difference in people’s lives. Thank you God for this dream you have placed on my mind.
One other thing, pray that I will remain focused on God and put thoughts of Kim somewhere else. It is hard to know that you should be over someone and just can’t necessarily forget them when they come back into your path as someone who is attractive to you again. I need to leave that kind of stuff to God’s timing and see what He does in my future. I guess I’m done, maybe more some other time… Ben