Reflections.... guys....
Hi people who read this. I think I am going to begin with a shout-out to all the sweet girls out there who are waiting around for the right man to come along and be the right man for them. God bless all of you. To the women out there who are settling for idiots, it certainly isn’t helping your sisters out there find a decent man. As long as guys can still get girls treating them like crap, there is gonna be a lot of fewer of the good brand of guys around. Word to my fellows as well who are treating women properly. Stick with it sirs. Persevere through getting hurt, and persevere treating women the way they definitely deserve to be treated. It takes time for women to realize that there is guys out there who don’t want to treat them like crap, and can be good for hanging out with. Where would I place myself on this list? Where would you place me on this divide?
What should I begin with now? I think I should just get into the current fears and struggles I am having. I guess I could really begin by claiming my insecurities. I really don’t think I’m good looking, and that is a real big problem for me. I also know that I am kind of nerdy at times. This still puts a big downer on my tackling of challenges and fears. Insecurity is a huge problem for anyone. For those of you who have it, you know what I mean. What else? I have been trampled in a previous relationship and am utterly scared of being put in that position again. Some girls see insecurity and take advantage, I don’t want that to be me. Actually, I have kind of decided to just go for friends right now. I don’t want to be officially committing to liking anybody right now. As soon as a guy commits to even liking a girl, people start pressuring and expecting action to follow. Committing to officially like someone starts a snowball rolling that turns into an avalanche if you are a guy. Guys these days have been put in a place of you either need to not care, or you need to be really careful about everything you do. If a guy is careful about 98% of the girls they meet and aware of how they are treating them and about the honesty factor and slip on that 2%, guess what they hear about? From the unlucky one who gets hurt out of it, and their friends, and outsiders looking in. They get torn down. “What an awful guy, he hurt me, led me on, said something that made me feel bad about myself, looked at me the wrong way, responded the wrong way, didn’t call me, didn’t hug me before he left, didn’t know I was into him, or is just plain having a guy moment and is dumb!” “He is such a guy, meets our low expectations of how guys are, those low-lifes.” I try to laugh these comments off, but I think it has become time for girls to grow up in the area of accepting and understanding. Realizing that guys forget, they change their minds, they think, they like jokes, they like doing dumb things, they even like to embarrass themselves every once in a while. They are visual, they do enjoy mindless games and time to just forget and zone out of what is going on around them. Guys also sometimes like to take some time and seek what God has in store for them and are often willing to wait around for awhile and see what that is without making a hasty decision or claim. Sometimes they don’t want to have to be clear about their intentions or their feelings cause they aren’t always sure. Guys can disconect easily from something. Guys feelings are mysterious even to them half the time. They don’t always think before they talk. They are genuinely interested in sports usually. They like to do things they are good at, and see giving a lot of effort and passion into something as serving God. Especially if they think they are good at it. They also feel a lot of pressure from outside to be confident, secure, have goal, and be persevering through adversity. A lot of guys honestly put on a front that they are calm, cool, collected, and have things under control. Usually they don’t, Anyways, that is it for now. I’ll talk more again later, Ben
What should I begin with now? I think I should just get into the current fears and struggles I am having. I guess I could really begin by claiming my insecurities. I really don’t think I’m good looking, and that is a real big problem for me. I also know that I am kind of nerdy at times. This still puts a big downer on my tackling of challenges and fears. Insecurity is a huge problem for anyone. For those of you who have it, you know what I mean. What else? I have been trampled in a previous relationship and am utterly scared of being put in that position again. Some girls see insecurity and take advantage, I don’t want that to be me. Actually, I have kind of decided to just go for friends right now. I don’t want to be officially committing to liking anybody right now. As soon as a guy commits to even liking a girl, people start pressuring and expecting action to follow. Committing to officially like someone starts a snowball rolling that turns into an avalanche if you are a guy. Guys these days have been put in a place of you either need to not care, or you need to be really careful about everything you do. If a guy is careful about 98% of the girls they meet and aware of how they are treating them and about the honesty factor and slip on that 2%, guess what they hear about? From the unlucky one who gets hurt out of it, and their friends, and outsiders looking in. They get torn down. “What an awful guy, he hurt me, led me on, said something that made me feel bad about myself, looked at me the wrong way, responded the wrong way, didn’t call me, didn’t hug me before he left, didn’t know I was into him, or is just plain having a guy moment and is dumb!” “He is such a guy, meets our low expectations of how guys are, those low-lifes.” I try to laugh these comments off, but I think it has become time for girls to grow up in the area of accepting and understanding. Realizing that guys forget, they change their minds, they think, they like jokes, they like doing dumb things, they even like to embarrass themselves every once in a while. They are visual, they do enjoy mindless games and time to just forget and zone out of what is going on around them. Guys also sometimes like to take some time and seek what God has in store for them and are often willing to wait around for awhile and see what that is without making a hasty decision or claim. Sometimes they don’t want to have to be clear about their intentions or their feelings cause they aren’t always sure. Guys can disconect easily from something. Guys feelings are mysterious even to them half the time. They don’t always think before they talk. They are genuinely interested in sports usually. They like to do things they are good at, and see giving a lot of effort and passion into something as serving God. Especially if they think they are good at it. They also feel a lot of pressure from outside to be confident, secure, have goal, and be persevering through adversity. A lot of guys honestly put on a front that they are calm, cool, collected, and have things under control. Usually they don’t, Anyways, that is it for now. I’ll talk more again later, Ben
Labels: Journey to Melissa
3 Comments:
Ben, maybe I wasn't clear enough in the fact that it's your nerdyness, insecurities, acting dumb moments, ability to be a boy at heart... that I fell for and came to love. It is a large part of what makes you you and not a series of things that the people that say they love you should want to change. As much as I’d love to see the day when you are secure in all that you are. You ultimately treat woman with the utmost respect, I hope that I never took advantage of your insecurities, and love how quickly you realized that I've been treated like crap by alot of guys. Girls can be stupid too I'm sure of it. We have our fair share of insecurities that tend to flourish during a breakup and make dealing with the hard situations of moving on and making sense of it all even more difficult. Communicate... "I haven't come to a clear conclusion because x, y, and z is really confusing to me right now" is better than "I don't really know." If you aren't willing to be responsible for hurting someone or leading them on, then who is? Is it really fair to say comments like, "I really want to stay friends" at the time of a break up and then six weeks later say that all your willing to give is the ability to hang out at mutual group events? Everyone has the tendency to let something’s out without thinking of the consequence, although to blame it on a woman's need to grow up is uncalled for.
So, you aren't always on my mind when I am writing blog material, and none of what I said is in reference to you. You are right, I'm not always fair and definitely wasn't telling you to grow up. What I meant by that is that there are a lot of girls out there who misinterpret guys actions as signs of wanting to date them. Then they bust all those comments that I listed there when they misinterpret. The guy feels like crap and he really was just trying to be nice and care about someone. Also, I do think that it is the general concept of the girl to think they are more grown up than guys, and I would challenge that and wonder if maybe that is a big general sexism against guys. Enough of that gets perpetuated at school to make society and guys and girls themselves believe it. Sometimes I do think that girls have some growing up to do too. Growing up that they don't see and aren't willing to admit. This, Meghan, is definitely not aimed at you. You are fine and great. Please don't see my blog thoughts as cheapshot attacks at you, that is a low place I am not willing to go. Blogs for me accumulations of my thoughts that come together to say usually a pretty general comment about something. Have a good week, y'all
I like what you had to say Ben. In fact, with the situations going on and my becoming "Dr. Erin" to have to deal with them, I referred them to your blog. Because, while mine was a rant (and I stand by what I said, even if they are generalities that don't necessarily all apply to every guy in my acquaintance) it was also pertinent and they have read it as well. I enjoy reading your thoughts... You have wisdom and insight that is good to read... I'm used to dealing with younger guys so it's refreshing to read something that is from a mature guys perpective. (I have to admit, I am SO sick of petty teenage junk!) Keep up that awesome writing!!! ;)
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