Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Losing Hatred

Hey, so something else I wanted to talk about... I just realized really recently that I hate losing. Now, that doesn't seem like a big deal. However, for me it is. I tend to judge myself by competition. I probably have a little bit of my mom in me and want to be right. My brother and I argue quite a bit over little things just cause we want to be right. Now, this absolutely effects my life. I never want to lose or be wrong. So, when there is a possibility that I may lose or be wrong, or even get hurt, I tend to either not try, or be very careful. Now, over years of living like this I have gotten very good at judging whether I have potential to win or lose in a situation. I actually tend to set things up so that I have least chance of losing. The truth is though, I have never awknowledged this before. I can see when I play games that I am neither a great winner nor loser, but especially not a good loser. It bothers me if I am wrong about something because I consider myself pretty smart. Anyways, what I am trying to get at is this display of tendencies reveals my selfishness. The need to win is a selfish thing. Now, this goes beyond games, this goes into relationships, goals, activities I involve myself in, and the list goes on. I don't like it.

I don't want to be selfish. I want to be fair, and give things a chance, just for the opportunity of success. I am so reserved and controlled going back to yesterday's blog. And I don't want to rate things by how successful they are. It should be more how successful I was at loving people and God. We don't always get to be choosy about where we go, what we do, who we are with, and I should take that as an opportunity instead of a way in which to cut losses. Anyways, I am going to think more on this over the next while. Just another insight into me..!

2 Comments:

Blogger Summer said...

Does this include in relationships?

Sometimes the biggest risk will mean a bigger reward in the end....

2:58 PM  
Blogger Glooskap said...

Yay don't you love insights into yourself?

Sometimes they hurt but they are useful, hey?

but try to take risks. Living is about...living! If you can't take chances and lose then you aren't experiencing half of life!

4:29 PM  

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