Very Weird for Me

So, here is what I think. I don't know what I want still. I definitely have gotten out to know a number of people, and have had enough girls like me, but I have no bloody clue what I want. I want to not get hurt... I want for somebody to love me and care for me just as much as I care for that someone. I want to care about that certain someone to the extreme. What is the point if I don't? Anyways, I feel pressure. Everyone else is worried about dating, and I can't even make up my mind if I want to even see where a friendship with a person goes. I hate my indecision and lack of purpose. I care about people, I think alot, and I like to have a good time. But, I have no conviction right now to decide what my life should be. All I have is regret that I don't know. That really sucks. What do I do with so many opportunities presented to me... heck even parents want me to date their kids. If this was the olden days, I could get rich if I picked the right prospect. Damn it. Yet, here I stand without purpose and dream that would give that edge to push on... that would cause that one person that I finally decide to care about to risk it all for me. I know how much I mean to some people, and I am really sorry. My heart has no sense. I am really loved by some girls, yet i don't want to marry them. I cannot explain the reason. They care about me so much, and I care about them, but it doesn't feel right to date and marry them. How do I justify this? I can't, my heart just runs frickin wild and I am slave to it. Despite all my godly ideals and practical ways at looking at things, I am unable to sway my heart. I really loved Kim, and a year later it is still hard to let that go. The most releasing factor is that she didn't care about me as much as I cared about her... but yet those memories are still there, and I remember how it felt to really be in love. That isn't hitting me right now. I am not so deeply in love as I was with Kim. Therefore, I am really scared of hurting girls. I am scared of saying something, and then realizing that that isn't what I really meant. I am terrified of girls. I am terrified of how I can hurt them and how they can hurt me. I am even afraid of dates that aren't completely defined. A date doesn't even have a commitment involved, yet I am scared of the commitment that my body could make and that I may not be ablee to live up to. Girls are so beautiful and are worthy of such respect. Yet, all it would take is for a guy like me to come along, and ruin the preciousness of it. I just need to go out on a date, start making out, touch what is annappropriate to touch, and try t oconvince myself that it was just a date and didn't mean anything. Well, of course it means something. It is not fair for me to get my romantic physical fix from some hopeful girl, who is hopelessly fallen for me, and can't help it. What a damn weird circumstance. Some women just think that I am the hottest thing around. Laugh at me now, dumb schoolmates who made fun of me. There is pressure in that though too. Girls rightfully expect a lot, and I have no idea if I am willing to live up to those expectations or give them as much as they deserve. Anyways, I am getting up so early, it was just important to get this started.... hopefully this isn't the end of it.