What a 'DAY'

Run away, Run away... everyone run. Something sucky happens so we all run away. We aren't talkative, we aren't respectful, we all must know the best way to handle these situations since we have experience with the last situation that blew up in our face. You think I am insinuating something, talk to me. You wonder what I want or about my motivations, talk to me. I definitely will be upfront. Damn it, if I like somebody, I will let them know straight up. I have proof. If I don't I don't even realize that something needs to be said. But no, maybe I should run away too... Maybe I should travel to Florida and hook up with someone there, or one of my sister's friends that just need enough to drink to like me. What the Hell? Drama, drama. People getting hurt and upset... Good days are ruined in moments. How ridiculous is that? Gosh, I care. Don't friggin run away from me. I'm a good kid. I hate exam time. People are so messed up at the end of the semester. Now would be a good time to take off except that I work everyday until the 22nd. The nice thing is that I make a little more money, and I have more time around and after New Year's to hang out. Otherwise, I might take off right now and go see Mike. I have had pain in my life too. It just takes a really long time for me to talk about what I have moved passed, but still effects how I am. I just have a passion for being there for my friends when they are hurting. I guess I can't make them accept it, but I can do everything else. -Be available, offer to buy dinner, hot chocolate, stuffed animals, whatever else. I would offer half my kingdom to help. I ain't no fake trying to prey on young women or their problems or their vulnerability. That is sick. It is really hard to face awkwardness or even perceived awkwardness isn't it? Well, it only lasts as long as you let it. Suck it awkwardness. I don't get awkward very easy. Probably the most awkward I have ever been was seeing my ex-girlfriend who told me she had to fix some things with God before she was fit for a relationship go to school and start flirting with every guy. Who friggin' retarded. I couldn't handle it, but that was messing with some really deep feelings which had already been expressed and received. Yeah, I avoided the school and her. But we got past it. I would still consider her a friend now. So now what, I faced my anger with God, my friends, the people I loved, and still find that I have love to give. Dang it, the key to not getting beating up internally is to see everything in perspective. In the long run, the squabble didn't really matter. It isn't the end of my life. Maybe God still loves me.,, First off... you don't need me, you need God. I could die tomorrow, and people would go right on living and people would have God to turn to. I pray that God uses me and he does and I am so thankful for that.

I had such a great day today. I got encouraged by my pastors, I had some of my gifts affirmed. Now it comes back to patience and waiting for where God calls me. I know it will happen.. maybe I just have more to learn first I don't know. The truth is that God does have a plan for us... He has a plan for you and for me. Whether we like it or not, whether we think it is fair or not...Whether it is God's sense of irony or humour or whatever. There is purpose!! I've seen it. How do I end up in Cameroon within a month of finding out about it? How do I see prayers answered instantly? How do we get an instinctual read on a person or a situation? How does God take a cocky like person like me when I was a kid... and do something with them? How does God decide that He loves me so much that Jesus is going to die for me and save me? There is no way that there is no purpose to that. SO let's run away. Find a place to hide: melt into the abyss: stop making good decisions out of spite: hurt myself, then I can't blame God for it. Do you see how insane all this is? Let's get along...Say what you mean to whom it should be addressed. I ain't the greatest at doing that either... but I do like to think that I do in time. Which is better than never. At least in my opinion... and that is what this Blog thing is all about.

I think buildings should be made for bigger people.. I think that cars should be made for bigger people. I think that chairs should be made for bigger people... that is my opnion. hahaha. So in my opinion... people need to get along. People need to not judge other people. I have huge respect for people who claim they don't believe in God and do something about it. I don't have much respect for people who claim they don't believe and God and go on living a 'normal' life. With deadlines and success and failure. How can you fail if there is no purpose and no God? Friggin ridiculous. Those people can eat my shorts! If you aren't sure say it, or if you want to be mad at God then be mad. But don't be two-faced. Don't say you believe one thing and do something else. Don't run away from God... you look like a fool running away. He knows where you are going before you go. He is there too. God haunts us, but also loves us, and He loves me! I want to cry. God loves me... Absurd. What were you thinking God??? But you made me perfect... What were you thinking God? But you formed me in this way... Why didn't I die instead of that person? Cause there was more for me to give... Help me give it God. Help me give it. What a waste of your work for me to sit back and be silent. MY GOD LOVES ME! HE LOVES YOU TOO! If I sit a day away, or I don't bother to encourage someone... what was the point of that day... A step closer to death? I don't even know when I will die. Lieutenant Dan was a pretty crazy guy, eh? He went kind of nuts on God... and then found peace. I think when we are mad at God we should let him have it. Then find peace. He will give us His peace. "Cast all your cares on Him!" How many of us do that? How many of us bring our thoughts to God? How many of us try to do it all ourself? How many of us feel like we have been doing it ourselves our whole life? Maybe we have........ Maybe we should try for once seeing if God can do something with it. We 'give it to God' and then try to do it ourselves anyways. What to short change God!!! Let Him in!! Let God the creator do something with you. Let him shape you and change you... guide you and protect you.. Let Him change your mind to his. Let his priorities become yours. Let God move in you! The world makes it's own things happen. The world tries to get through on it's own. not you... not me. Or are we the world? Am I the world? Does the world live in me? Get out of there. I want to be shaped and changed. I want to be cleansed and purified. Damn temptations... pride... Go away! Leave me alone with my God... the Creator. My dad who loves me. Let me love my family. Alrighty... Enough is enough for now. I'm sure there is more where that came from, but I have to 'run away now' and 'put things off' and be sad... Give me some drugs!!