Crap
A day like today reminds me of a few things.
#1 A good friend is priceless.
#2 People get lonely quickly.
#3 I obviously don't have any really good friends at the moment.
#4 Another thought, good friends don't do a lot of good if they are in a different city or place.
Don't get me wrong. I love those far away friends. But right now would be a nice time to hang out with someone. The fact is that my closest friends at the moment are close to me in some ways, yet they are girls and young. That makes it really weird for me to hang out with them. It would be cool if they could become like family and could just hang out for company. I doubt that will happen though. These people have other friends who are more immeadiate friends and people they would hang out with on the spur of the moment. That is what I wish I had. Some friends that would automatically think of hanging with me on the weekend. I had that with my roomates in Edmonton, or when I had girlfriends. that is when I feel like I am valuable. Although I am good for friendships where I am respected and can have great spiritual conversations.... I also long for friends. Life is too serious... too much drama. I want ot just chill with people, be myself, and have that be enough to be cared about. I definitely don't want to take people from their own groups of friends though. I have no intent to lay any kind of guilt trip. I just wish that I could be content being home alone on Friday nights. I'm not though. It has been weird returning to Calgary. I am also scared about calling some people. I feel like if they felt like it they would invite me to chill. But those kind of circles are hard to break into. My camp friends all have their own lives and groups of friends to chill with. A lot of my friends are dedicated to their studies and so their time is spent at the University or with people who are also at the University. They make plans during conversation, eat lunch... I gotta find some guys to chill with. I just don't know if I like the ones that I know. Most guys are pricks or else have a real dry sense of humor. They have such a serious negative tone to life. The only fun to have is go do extreme things or physical things. We need to go and shoot things or compete... I'm just sick of what people do and think. Of how they behave. Gees... I am totally selfish. Screw this..Screw other stuff too. Why should I bother? Screw off! I'm just pissed off. Maybe some other time I will get to the bottom of what I want to say.
#1 A good friend is priceless.
#2 People get lonely quickly.
#3 I obviously don't have any really good friends at the moment.
#4 Another thought, good friends don't do a lot of good if they are in a different city or place.
Don't get me wrong. I love those far away friends. But right now would be a nice time to hang out with someone. The fact is that my closest friends at the moment are close to me in some ways, yet they are girls and young. That makes it really weird for me to hang out with them. It would be cool if they could become like family and could just hang out for company. I doubt that will happen though. These people have other friends who are more immeadiate friends and people they would hang out with on the spur of the moment. That is what I wish I had. Some friends that would automatically think of hanging with me on the weekend. I had that with my roomates in Edmonton, or when I had girlfriends. that is when I feel like I am valuable. Although I am good for friendships where I am respected and can have great spiritual conversations.... I also long for friends. Life is too serious... too much drama. I want ot just chill with people, be myself, and have that be enough to be cared about. I definitely don't want to take people from their own groups of friends though. I have no intent to lay any kind of guilt trip. I just wish that I could be content being home alone on Friday nights. I'm not though. It has been weird returning to Calgary. I am also scared about calling some people. I feel like if they felt like it they would invite me to chill. But those kind of circles are hard to break into. My camp friends all have their own lives and groups of friends to chill with. A lot of my friends are dedicated to their studies and so their time is spent at the University or with people who are also at the University. They make plans during conversation, eat lunch... I gotta find some guys to chill with. I just don't know if I like the ones that I know. Most guys are pricks or else have a real dry sense of humor. They have such a serious negative tone to life. The only fun to have is go do extreme things or physical things. We need to go and shoot things or compete... I'm just sick of what people do and think. Of how they behave. Gees... I am totally selfish. Screw this..Screw other stuff too. Why should I bother? Screw off! I'm just pissed off. Maybe some other time I will get to the bottom of what I want to say.
1 Comments:
Remember that sometimes you can be more alone in a room full of people than you are by yourself...
I know I'm no help on the guy factor but I always think of you to do things on Friday nights and generally spend the night at home alone because I assume you already have plans so I don't call...
Remember how many people love you and that we don't intentionally leave you out.
Dinner tomorrow? Call me.
By the way, my mom says she was free tonight, she even had an extra ticket to a fabulous concert but she never heard from you... She says maybe next time!
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