Hey... Had a good long day..! I went to a friend's church for a baptism and saw a bunch of girls who were councelors with me at camp this summer. They hardly talked to me. Probably the one who got baptized is my best friend out of them all. She has a fresh passion and heart for God and it shows. She doesn't let the worry and stress get to her the way it seemed to be getting to the rest of them. It is really funny to observe all my friends who are stressed out from school and studies and assignments. I bet I was the same way when I was at school; although, I don't recall ever dramatically stressed out over things. Probably the most stresssful times for me at school involved relationships, especially with my girlfriends. Gosh, it seems so important at the time, and then afterwards you look back and remember what the arguments were about or what caused the stress, it doesn't seem nearly important enough any more. In fact, most of what we do doesn't seem important afterwards when we look back. In general, the greatest memories we have are of kindness, love, friendships, good times. It is really difficult to consider the bad things as important or memory worthy. I remember mostly good times and time that I spent with people I care about. I think though, on the other side of the spectrum, we also remember the most hurtful things that have happened or been said to us. Those times would have been easily forgotten except someone wasn''t mindful of me. They didn't hold their tongue, or their emotions and exploded or intentionally crushed me into the ground. I remember those moments and they tend to define me in a negative way. Out of those things comes fear, hatred, hardness, and emotionlessness. Frustrating, is the fact that whether I want to believe it or not, I still partly define myself by those memories. The way we should see ourselves is as perfectly composed by God. Not as the rotten thing that someone once said about us.

So I read today some comments about selfishness and boasting and bragging. I totally agreed with it. People's plans are their bragging and boasting of their independance from God. I make a plan and then I make sure everyone knows about it. Actually, a lot of the time it is opposite. I often don't mention my plans until I need to causing great stress for my family. With my brother it is a bit of a competition about who will be able to use a car first. We all want to be important enough that someone outside the family wants to hang with us or that we have a responsibility that we need to fullfil. That is where we find our meaning. "Ihave a meeting to go to!" "I am in leadership training."..Here is my question: When we ask someone about something, are we giving them an opportunity to brag? Are we setting them up to feel the need to have plans and be important in society? Is that a good thing to do? I have people ask all the what my plans are and what I am up to. I always feel the need to explain and probably exagerate alot and make it sound a lot more important or prestigious than it really is. I try to have a list so that I can sound like I'm not a slacker. Every time I do something that I am proud of, I feel the need to tell everyone that I think cares. Is that right? I don't know. If they ask I guess it is okay to say how you have done, and be excited or disappointed about it, But maybe we should take off the emphasis on that, and more on how we can care about them.

I also feel like it gets the same way in Christian circles. People compare their relationships and closeness to to God. How many times did I pray? did I go to church? are you volunteering? are you using your gifts and what are they? And sometimes if we are asked enough, we just spontaneously tell someone. How about the response: "I do what I can." or "I serve where I feel called." Do you think that it would be possible to approach something with a quiet humble attitude. We always want to be recognized, but maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we should just leave it be. It is my experience when doing that that you often get recognition you don't even want. But I would rather that than try to claim my fame and recognition.

Anyways, I'm getting old and tired. Time for a good night!