I hate this site and my computer

Breaking ties is awful!

Hey, I know that I don't blog much. I guess this blog has become something for me to make hard decisions and statements with. The truth is that I have been feeling less and less easy about my relationship with Meghan. She is still a nice girl, and I do care about her health and her safety, it just doesn't seem to be right. How does someone tell another that. That is the age old question. How can you share a special time with someone and sever it. How can someone coexist with someone else who rejected them. How can you tell someone that they are wrong for you? I don't care enough, and I have tried to be honest about that, but I have emotion problems. I don't really know how I feel and that really scares me and I don't think that I should be putting another through that. I also don't know what I am doing. She is scared of being rejected, so I am her nightmare come true. What an idiot... I guess I can apologize. I told her 3 days ago that I wasn't planning on breaking up and that I just needed a lot more time to think about it. Well, these 3 days seem to have done it. The time away, and the time to hang out with some other friends who I really do care about has really highlighted for me the emotions that I don't have for Meghan. Maybe I feel more emotion than I give myself credit for, I just don't have emotions for her. I think it took that time away in Edmonton for me to realize that though. ARGH.! Why can't I just find the one? Why can't I just listen to God and follow Him? Why do I get myself into these situations so I had to get myself out? Or did God get me into this so that He could get me out? I will be praying beofre I speak to Meghan, but in the meantime, I think I am going to have to break up with her. It is going to hurt her, and I hate inflicting that kind of pain on anyone. I think there is still girls out there who are still raw about rejection. Anyways, I'm gonna be saving this until I can actually talk to her, so I can do it in person. Alrighty, good night everyone... except me!!

A quick Blurb about Relationship

It has been an interesting week. Meghan has been gone, and I have kept relatively busy. My dishwasher has broken down so I have been doing the dishwashing recently. Strangely, I am not really sure how I feel about her absence. I miss her, but I'm not sad that she is gone. I have really been trying to avoid the kind of stress that I have had previously in relationships that includes a bunch of requirements attached to my role as boyfriend. Meghan has been really good about not requiring or forcing things upon me. I am hoping that I will still be able to take things as slowly as I want. I hope that inaction for awhile won't sever opportunity. I really need to time to be honest with myself about her, and see how I really consider her. That will take time. Anyways, I am really struggling to write at the moment... I'll have to continue some other time!

Good Times

So, despite sending a kid home today at work, I am generally in a good mood. I am getting up really early tomorrow to get my butt handed to me by my brother again in squash. He toys with me. Anyways, just thought that I would take this time to say that God always sends someone to affirm you when you are starting wonder if you are making a difference. Crystal, a junior high girl that was at the first family camp last summer, just affirmed me today. She said she was all confused and scared of God, and was feeling hopeless, but she knew that God had sent me into her life to help her get closer to God. That was the one thing she knew that God had done for her. That made my day. I am seeing good things happen in the world in the moment. My friend Kelly has just gone to Africa and being touched in the heart for those people. I see all kinds of my friends moving on with their lives, finding their passions. Developping a sense of what God has for them in their lives. It is really exciting for me and for them. I am also excited about heading to Edmonton on the 18th and 19th.. then I may also be up there for the 20th, something about ice fishing? and someone's birthday. Anywho... I've said enough. When you are happy it is a lot harder to express than when you aren't. Have a good weekend!!!

Time to be more Public

Today, I want to begin by saying that I am the one who jinxes the Flames. The last 4 games, I watched the 3 that the Flames lost... 2 in a shootout. I think I should just stop watching them. Anyways, Onward... Erin and I are getting along again. It is a stress off me. I also have a friend back. I have had a pleasant week... the one downfall: Meghan took off for 2 weeks to Michigan, which means that I'm gonna be missing her. Not a deadly, immobilizing missing, but more just someone to sit around with a couple of evenings a week. It is good for her though. She gets a vacation out of the deal. Anyways, this blog is about me. In all honesty, I am looking forward to the next couple of weeks as well. I think small group this weekend will be awesome, both of them. I also think that time away and distance says a lot about a relationship and the people in it. I am excited about my mentor relationship with Jason, and I think that it is going to get better. I just feel positive about life at the moment. I feel like I have something to work on when it comes to my paper, and working on that will finally be listening to God and doing the next task that He has for me.

The essay question I am using right now is: Why is it so difficult to follow God when I want to follow him? The whole dilemma of it all. I want to try to get some examples and some common themes and make some points about them. That is the question I have in my life right now... so I may as well translate it into paper.

Anyways, I think I am going to start dishing out my blog site... Cause I do want people to know what I am thinking and who I am. Anyways, goodnight everyone... I have had enough for tonight!!