Revisiting the Water Break

One year ago, events were taking place that were going to change my life forever. This is not only my story, but the story of life; the story of how God walks with you and bring the right people at the right time into your life.  The fact that Leeland survived and now is 11 months old and doing great is the happy continuation of what began to transpire over a year ago and that continues to shape mine and my family's lives. It's also a testament to the bravery, strength and resilience of Melissa Howes, the mother of my children, and apple of my heart. Her story makes me look faded in comparison and is inspirational to all who knew her.

Last year, near the start of February, Melissa and I were in to get an ultrasound done of our baby. Before they allowed us to leave, it was explained to us by the doctor at the ultrasound clinic that Melissa was funneling.  This means that her cervix was opening from the inside and was shrinking in size.  Melissa had worked her last day.  She was to be put on bed rest to prevent gravity from affecting the situation any more.

This signaled a new lifestyle for us.  Melissa drove Dahlia to our nanny in Calgary and did bed rest.  I worked, picked Dahlia up, and ran the household.  Laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning.  I also put in my maximum effort to encourage people to visit Melissa. She was lonely and frustrated that she couldn't move.  She hadn't finished up nicely and the way she had wanted to at work, and she felt lonely.  The visiting that occurred was so appreciated by her, but hard whenever someone cancelled or she had a day without one... I guess I wasn't good enough.

Then one day (the Thursday of Palliser's Teacher Convention), Melissa's water broke while she was driving.  She immediately called me.  She was hysterical.  Leeland was only gestated about 23 weeks and 1 day.  She was driving herself to Rockyview Hospital because of bad experiences at Foothills.  I remember I was at Teacher's Convention in Okotoks with Holly (I had carpooled with her) doing a learn how to play and teach rugby session.  It was just near the end of our lunch break and I informed Holly what was going on and she was like, let's go.  I speaker phoned with Melissa on the way back to Calgary and Holly had me drop her off on an overpass so I could go right back onto the highway.  It was crazy and I felt terrible about it, but Holly insisted.

I got to Rockyview as soon as possible.  Now Melissa had fluctuating blood pressures that she could mentally control through music. It was called whitecoat syndrome.  As soon as she new a doctor or nurse was going to take her blood pressure, it would spike.  It was trauma from Dahlia's birth story.  To control those spikes in blood pressure, she would listen to Dear Evan Hansen music with her eyes closed.  She would ask the nurse or doctor to leave the room and control her breathing.  She also needed the proper sized cuff which often wasn't provided. When I got there, I found her and I just stayed with her and prayed that this baby would be ok.  

In our minds and experience, water breaking meant child coming.  Melissa was having minor contractions.  We were expecting birth to happen.  Melissa just kept crying because she blamed herself for her body not working.  Due to the funneling, they didn't even want to monitor properly because they thought any trauma down under could speed the birth process.  She had already been funneling.  Once they determined that birth wasn't immanent, they decided to transfer Melissa to Foothills because if baby was coming, it would need the top NICU which was Foothills.  I got to follow the transfer in one of our vehicles.  My brother helped me pick up the other one later.  

When we got to Foothills, a new doctor became Melissa's doctor and his prognosis was that Leeland wasn't going to be viable for another 6 days.  Too many concerns and they wouldn't be willing to do a bunch of the interventions for Leeland.  This did not help the situation.  Melissa was already freaking out and having that grim news given to her did not improve the situation.  However, miraculously, her contractions subsided and Leeland stayed in.  It was a miracle.  We didn't even know that was possible.

The 4 days at the hospital before Melissa returned home were wretched.  We hoped there would be no infection and we prayed that God would help our little baby to survive. Once the water is broken, they refuse to do anymore prodding and poking near the fetus.  Melissa stabilized and was sent home on the 4th day no longer on bed rest.  Home care was set up, and the journey with the time bomb began.  Our prayers and hearts beckoned God to be merciful and gracious and allow the baby to stay in just one more hour, one more day, one more week.  My life was consumed with things I would never have imagined before this experience.  Blood pressures, infections, colors of fluid, massages, everything.  I continued to work but with the knowledge that at any minute, I could be heading for the hospital.

Looking back, I don't know how we dealt with all that stress, worry, fear, reliance on God.  It was so hard and it scraped us to the core.  Pretenses were no longer possible and distractions weren't distracting.  Our lives would never be the same.  But I thank God for the those next weeks to this day.

It is hard to recount and recall that time of my life.  I was a passenger.  Melissa had all of these things going on inside her and around her.  I was the husband who wanted to be as caring and giving and helpful as possible, but really there was nothing I could do.  I felt helpless. I felt vulnerable.  And I felt like this might be the hardest thing I would ever have to go through and it most certainly was to that point.  I felt for Melissa and I tried to show her love every day.  There was no time for much else.

When people are in that vulnerable time of life, they need people to walk alongside them.  They need people to visit, and share, and emphasize with them.  They need people to pray and tell truth about God and offer to help out with things. We were lucky to have each other and that Melissa was such a fighter.  I will miss her for that and never forget how she stuck through it all.  She loved Leeland so much and never gave up on him.  She was superwoman. I will never forget.