Mike's Memorial

I went to a funeral today for an acquaintance of mine who I liked and worked alongside a few times while he was employed by Boys and Girls club and supervised by Melissa. I would say that the experience is one of the most disappointing that I have ever been a part of.

I arrived plenty early, gave a few hugs, chatted with a few people about where life has taken us, and waited.  A room was open but nobody had entered it.  Eventually, a bunch of people started heading up the stairs to another room designated for the service, but before I got up the stairs, the hall holding the service was packed.  People were just waiting in a line that was no longer moving.  A bunch of people were just standing around in the upstairs foyer wondering what we were supposed to do.

The funeral directors said nothing to anyone and made no attempt to explain the situation or try to inform us what was expected of us.  Eventually, I felt so awkward and disappointed that I left.  I know that sounds ridiculous, but I just left without saying goodbye to my friend. There didn't seem to be a chance that anyone was going to say something.  What I could hear just sounded like drumming and chanting.  I don't understand the tradition or how this was supposed to convey closure.

When I was young, I opted out of a couple of funerals that I probably should have gone to and regretted it.  I didn't get the closure that I should have from it.  I decided after those times, that I would go and had a couple of profound experiences when friends of mine died while working at camp.  I cried some real tears and it shaped the next few summers of my life while I worked at camps because I was alive to.  I had closure, inspiration, and a song imprinted on me that could give tears on demand and cause me to miss those special people: "I can only Imagine"

I've been to funerals of my grandparents and when you attend those ones, it is about a life well lived and people who were expecting to die.  Melissa's was different.  She was young, and full of potential and dreams and my love.  My experience at her memorial was profound and open.  I think I may have hugged 250 people that day as we joyfully remembered how awesome Melissa had been.  My family, my friends, and myself were open to all the emotions there were to be had.

However, this particular one was such a contrast for me.  I did not feel welcome and did not feel like I was going to find any healing there.  The people who were there reflected how loved Mike was, but the tension around the actual ceremony, showed to me something different.  I hope it was just a feeling that I got and not the case at all.

To follow up this disappointing event for me, I am going to try to connect with Shayla a bit and continue to offer her support. She supported us when we needed her, and so I intend to be there for her.  I also selfishly want to do it for myself so that maybe I can get closure in the form that I need it; telling stories, spending time, and remembering what we miss.  Mike, you were a decent, kind guy, and the world is worse off without you in it.

I hope you managed to find Melissa in the afterlife.