Self-rejection Lies: A list
Upon recommendation from a very good friend, I have begun reading a book called Uninvited. Boy that books goes straight for the jugular. No joke, the first chapter starts by talking about honesty and how you can't hide from it (It's probably tied for my highest value in myself and in others). Then it goes on to clearly explain how feelings of rejection come from past internalized and embedded feelings of self-rejection. And those self-rejection thoughts and feelings are deep in our core and shape how we see the world and how we think the world sees us.
Having experienced a lot of rejection in my life (which I'm sure I have internalized), I am overwhelmed by this revelation of truth. The goal of this post is to bring into the light the self-rejection lies that haunt me. I believe that exposure to light frees us from the grasp of the enemy. Secretiveness empowers lies and shame. Openness frees us from those bonds because we can't be accused anymore. We have already been exposed and accepted anyway. There is nothing left to shame us.
So I am going to give this list an attempt and see what I come up with.
Lie: I am better friend material than boyfriend material.
It stings and gets reinforced every time that a woman tells me I am amazing and they don't want to date me.
It is a lie because I am on the other side too and not wanting to date someone is not a comment on their identity or their worthiness to be loved or capability of being a good girlfriend or wife. If I can see it from one side, I should be able to see it from the other side. Its just part of loving and seeking to find a partner and soul mate.
Lie: I am a unmanly.
It stings whenever someone refers to my intelligence or character in a negative way. Being caring, wise, intelligent, and emotional does not take away from my manliness. I don't hide my true self. That makes me brave and deep and trustworthy. Strength and stubbornness and inflexibility are not the definition of a man. I have been fighting this lie for a long time. I am very manly.
Lie: I am alone (nobody really cares or understands).
Whenever I am alone with my thoughts and my feelings and I don't have anyone to talk to. Or, I reach out and people don't reach back. Or my routine and life feel routine, mundane, and unlikely to improve. Whenever this happens, the lie that I am truly alone surfaces.
Lie: I am incompetent.
It is easy to believe that you are incompetent when someone points out how you have screwed up. What usually ends up happening though, is that you are a more harsh critic of yourself than anyone else will ever be. I really struggle with when I don't reach my own standards for myself. Already sitting in this self-criticism, it is easy to take other people's criticism very personally and let yourself be defined by them.
Lie: Other people have things easier. Everything has to be done the hard way.
Whenever I see people living with an ease that I want or wish I had. Whenever people celebrate their anniversary. Whenever I am jealous of anyone, I think to myself that God is favoring others over me. That is a lie. I have so many blessing. All I see is an outsider point of view. And have no idea what people are dealing with behind the scenes.
Lie: I don't deserve to be happy.
This is a really sad one. I can't think of examples at the moment. I do know that this lie surfaces sometimes. If is connected to other ones like loneliness. I actually really dislike when people make fun of my laugh. I'm overly sensitive about it.
Lie: I shouldn't be my authentic self.
My laugh is too loud and long. I talk too much. I text too much. I'm too loud. These are all things I worry about in social situations. They must come from somewhere. Probably from offhand comments when I was a kid from other kids. It's crazy, but those things stick with you. They shape you. They are those little lies that become truths about ourselves.
Lie: I'm ugly.
This is so easy to reinforce. Whenever I think someone else doesn't think I look good. They don't even have to say anything. All I have to do is lie to myself and make something up, and I believe it. This is deep seeded. This will get me over and over again. The mirror can be such an enemy. The other funny thing is that it doesn't matter how many people try to convince me otherwise.
I'm sure there are others, and I will edit and add them whenever I can identify them. I hope this frees me. I hope that naming the lies frees me from the power they hold and that when I see them flaring, I can call them what they are: lies. I also hope that anyone who reads this is inspired to self-evaluate and identify the lies that are plaguing their lives.
Having experienced a lot of rejection in my life (which I'm sure I have internalized), I am overwhelmed by this revelation of truth. The goal of this post is to bring into the light the self-rejection lies that haunt me. I believe that exposure to light frees us from the grasp of the enemy. Secretiveness empowers lies and shame. Openness frees us from those bonds because we can't be accused anymore. We have already been exposed and accepted anyway. There is nothing left to shame us.
So I am going to give this list an attempt and see what I come up with.
Lie: I am better friend material than boyfriend material.
It stings and gets reinforced every time that a woman tells me I am amazing and they don't want to date me.
It is a lie because I am on the other side too and not wanting to date someone is not a comment on their identity or their worthiness to be loved or capability of being a good girlfriend or wife. If I can see it from one side, I should be able to see it from the other side. Its just part of loving and seeking to find a partner and soul mate.
Lie: I am a unmanly.
It stings whenever someone refers to my intelligence or character in a negative way. Being caring, wise, intelligent, and emotional does not take away from my manliness. I don't hide my true self. That makes me brave and deep and trustworthy. Strength and stubbornness and inflexibility are not the definition of a man. I have been fighting this lie for a long time. I am very manly.
Lie: I am alone (nobody really cares or understands).
Whenever I am alone with my thoughts and my feelings and I don't have anyone to talk to. Or, I reach out and people don't reach back. Or my routine and life feel routine, mundane, and unlikely to improve. Whenever this happens, the lie that I am truly alone surfaces.
Lie: I am incompetent.
It is easy to believe that you are incompetent when someone points out how you have screwed up. What usually ends up happening though, is that you are a more harsh critic of yourself than anyone else will ever be. I really struggle with when I don't reach my own standards for myself. Already sitting in this self-criticism, it is easy to take other people's criticism very personally and let yourself be defined by them.
Lie: Other people have things easier. Everything has to be done the hard way.
Whenever I see people living with an ease that I want or wish I had. Whenever people celebrate their anniversary. Whenever I am jealous of anyone, I think to myself that God is favoring others over me. That is a lie. I have so many blessing. All I see is an outsider point of view. And have no idea what people are dealing with behind the scenes.
Lie: I don't deserve to be happy.
This is a really sad one. I can't think of examples at the moment. I do know that this lie surfaces sometimes. If is connected to other ones like loneliness. I actually really dislike when people make fun of my laugh. I'm overly sensitive about it.
Lie: I shouldn't be my authentic self.
My laugh is too loud and long. I talk too much. I text too much. I'm too loud. These are all things I worry about in social situations. They must come from somewhere. Probably from offhand comments when I was a kid from other kids. It's crazy, but those things stick with you. They shape you. They are those little lies that become truths about ourselves.
Lie: I'm ugly.
This is so easy to reinforce. Whenever I think someone else doesn't think I look good. They don't even have to say anything. All I have to do is lie to myself and make something up, and I believe it. This is deep seeded. This will get me over and over again. The mirror can be such an enemy. The other funny thing is that it doesn't matter how many people try to convince me otherwise.
I'm sure there are others, and I will edit and add them whenever I can identify them. I hope this frees me. I hope that naming the lies frees me from the power they hold and that when I see them flaring, I can call them what they are: lies. I also hope that anyone who reads this is inspired to self-evaluate and identify the lies that are plaguing their lives.
Labels: The New Journey
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