My complaint!

So, what is it like when I try to put the idea of dating and girlfriends on the shelf for a little while? People push the issue. People want to talk about dating, and expectations, and guys vs. girls, and who I should marry. They all want to give their two cents about who likes me or who doesn’t. I like Muffin, he isn’t like that and it is kind of nice. Anyways, how do approach a person who you like, and what do you tell a person that likes you who you don’t like in return. Honesty. Be honest, the worst thing that can happen is that the person won’t feel the same way and you can at least move on from there. There is always the issue of how do you move on from someone who you think was the perfect person for you. Actually one thing I have noticed is that once someone doesn’t return the love, you start noticing things about them that makes you think you are better off not having dated them or now that you have broken up. Now, sometimes the person is ready and has prepared some thoughts on the circumstance, and sometimes that person isn’t ready and will need some time. The truth is that it is not better to let something go and let is slip by than to be honest and straightforward. It does take guts mind you. Often the dream is good enough. The truth is that the time will come when it isn’t good enough and it sucks if you have been dreaming that dream for 5 ½ years and it is popped. Honestly, from my side, I am still trying to convince everyone who asks me that I am not trying to pursue anyone. I don’t like to pursue someone unless I am pretty clear in my own mind that I do at least like them and have an attraction. Now, sometimes you get pursuing someone and they like you to and you start seeing more of eachother and maybe start dating, and then you realize, this isn’t the person for me. Something this person does or is or says bothers me or makes me feel uncomfortable and you need to let it go. So you break it up, and sometimes you explain exactly why and sometimes you don’t. The truth is that sometimes, if you do tell them exactly why they will try to change it and get you back. But that isn’t what you want. In your mind, this person is cool the way they are, just not for you. Or sometimes, you are kind of unclear on why you want to break up and give the general reason. I am uncomfortable around you when we are dating, and I just don’t see this developping farther. You say this because you think they are awesome the way they are, just not for you. Now, anyways, I was saying I’m trying to put girls on the shelf. That is hard when the majority of conversations you have focus on them. This makes it so that a lot of my time is spent trying to not think about girls or just thinking about them. I still remain at the same conclusion for my life right now. I am unclear on if there is any girls I want to pursue. I definitely know there is quality girls around, I just want to be clear on my own thoughts before I start going after a girl again. I just wish that I could put girls, I mean women!! Out of my mind. I have some other things to be pursuing at the moment and would love to just put a hold on that female aspect of my life… I guess we will see where that goes. Have a good week all!!

Feeling sick, and it is late!

Hi, well, it has been a long weekend. It was good, and I did a lot of pastor-type work. Today, however, I started feeling gross and sick. I also started questioning my idea about becoming an intern youth pastor at Grace Baptist. Maybe I’m not supposed to be here. Don’t get me wrong. Good things are happening, but maybe I’m not supposed to get involved with the youth here. Maybe I’m not supposed to be a youth pastor. Maybe I am supposed to be a lay leader. The truth is though, I am worried about getting used up or used to a point of being drained. That is why I like the idea of being paid for the ministry stuff that I do. The problem is that I am confused still. My focus 3 training and my community learning time is telling me a lot of stuff about how a person should be and how we should relate to the community and church. It is making me question again whether I should even be a pastor. I usually know for sure what God wants for me, but this time I am not so sure. Have you ever thought about pulling away from a position that you fill just to see if you are needed, or if you are needed so that people will notice and maybe be willing to pay you for your time and service? I kind of feel like I would like to just pull away from things that I do, and see if any of those places actually needs or wants me. Maybe even to see if God wants or needs me… I am tired, I would love to talk but I have to be at my mom’s work by 7 am for dentist work and so I should sleep. Goodnight everyone…. God bless you!!!