Back to God
It has been hard reading the Bible recently for me. I still haven't completely committed myself to God's plans for me. I've feel like I have lost some of my wisdom. People are thinking for themselves more and seem to have been able to accomplish what I set out to accomplish a long time ago. I wanted to dedicate myself completely to God and his work and yet have found myself being selfish and going after what I want. I rely on God to provide me opportunities to move me from step to step. The thing is that I am worrying if I will ever be able to move past the stage in my life that I am in. I am worried about what I am to become. Why? Because I am not trusting God enough. I am not relying on God to lead me daily. I am relying on my own knowledge and decisions. Out at this new camp, I am not seen as a servant of God... At least I don't see myself that way all the time. I have been melicious and selfish. I have been angry, grumpy, loud, abnoxious and rude. I have steered clear of my God. I used to talk about Him all the time and now I don't know him well enough to talk about Him clearly. I don't pay Him attention. I should. I really should. He needs to be personal again.
I left my X-box at home so that it wouldn't distract me out here at camp any more, but I still have books and people to distract me. I still have music and day-dreaming to keep my mind off God. Please forgive me God. Help me to meet with you again!!
I left my X-box at home so that it wouldn't distract me out here at camp any more, but I still have books and people to distract me. I still have music and day-dreaming to keep my mind off God. Please forgive me God. Help me to meet with you again!!
Labels: Journey to Melissa
1 Comments:
A couple weeks ago, as I was reading your recent posts, I became more and more devastated. I left the room and asked a friend that doesn't know who you are to read your posts and pray. I wasn’t sure how to respond, I was at such a loss. I went to get a drink and prayed while walking through the hallway. I came back and asked for a response. The reply, "It made me mad. I was doing spiritual warfare. This sounds like an attack.” Why am I telling you this? Because I’m hoping it will be an encouragement to you to know that there are people praying for you. That I strongly believe that God has a calling and a purpose on your life and that you have what it takes to pull through this current struggle (that we all face at different points in our Christian walk). It grieves me to know that you are struggling with not feeling that sense of intimacy with God. Something that I’ve been learning lately is that it is often during those times of not feeling that close to God and having to struggle with seeking Him out that He reveals things to us. A book that I found really helpful was a rather small little book/journal called, “Hiddeness and Manifestation: What Is Really Happening When God Doesn't Seem to Be Present?” by Graham Cooke. Search “Hiddeness and Manifestation” + Graham Cooke on the internet and you’ll find a couple sample pages.
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