Pretty damn bad day!
Well… it has been a pretty junky day emotionally. How does one explain how I feel. I didn’t like myself today. Does that make sense? I wasn’t feeling comfortable with my actions and I wasn’t feeling in my heart at all. Pretty much everything I did today was to maintain image. Maintain my reputation. Honestly, I didn’t feel like working today. I didn’t feel like hanging out with the kids or with Melynda and Christine. I didn’t feel like hanging out with anyone else either. It didn’t help that the kids were a pain in the neck today. I was grumpy and they were out of control and are lucky that I don’t know really how to lose it or how to give someone a tongue lashing because I would have. The flames lost with the same kind of intensity that I felt today. Trying, but behind and demoralized. They weren’t at their best. I guess overall I just felt really crappy today. A shout out for all who are out there and feeling like I don’t really care. I know I care deep down somewhere, I’m just not finding it at the moment. I think that God has some chizzling to do on my heart somewhere deep down. I was pretty flat out bummed and angry today. I don’t know what should be done about it. I’m out!!
Labels: Journey to Melissa
4 Comments:
I know what days like that are like. AWFUL! I hope you are feeling better.
I haven't seen you in SOOO long Ben! We should plan a get together! Always remember that I care for you and that its okay to have a bad day and be much less than perfect. You don't need to be.
I just want to say that I appreciate how honest you are in your blogs!
Hey Ben,
I know it's been a while since you posted this message, but don't beat yourself up! I know only to well the feelings you’re describing. The reality of the “higher self”, that is the new being that we are in Christ or the longings we have to be like Christ, is that it often feels farther away than we like because of the existence of our “lower self” or flesh that is inherently and irrefutably evil. So when we feel down, depressed, not like “ourself”, less than what we’d like to be… we lift those feelings or actions to Christ as offerings to Him to let them die in order that we may again be raised with Him in life. Sometimes this still means feeling not in our heart or like we’re just maintaining image. As Christians we are often in conflict with our own nature, and it sucks. Be blessed – Jesus loves you just as you are and so do I! You’re in my prayers.
Hiya... Just wondering how you are and how life is... No activity on this blog in MONTHS.... :P Update soon I hope?
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