Sunday, January 07, 2007

The Comeback

Well, it has been so long since I wrote something on here that everyone has probably forgotten that it exists. Oh well... Anyways, I have no idea why I began writing today. Bored... feel like I have neglected my friends who used to read this thing. The truth is I am still growing and changing. I still have no idea where life is going to take me.... surprise !? I am faced with a problem regarding this summer. I am looking at staying at Pioneer Ranch Camps for the Summer. I would be the Climbing Wall supervisor... yikes. I would get trained to operate it, and would do a good job. The problem is... I love Camp Caroline. I would love to go back and work at that camp. They love me, I love them, and I feel comfortable there. Is a forth summer at that camp going to be worth anything though? The problem isn't just at that level, it is at a heart level. I don't know if my heart would be there if I went back this summer. I don't know if it will be at Pioneer Ranch either.
The big problem is that at this moment, my heart is being tugged by a person. She doesn't know it and I am not about to act on it. With the potential of working with someone for the next 8 months... a dating relationship seems well out of place. A fallout from something like that could make my remaining time out here pretty awkward and crappy. The other problem with that proposal is that I have no idea how she feels toward me. I know that I am pretty likeable and datable, but I really know how this person thinks or feels in regards to me.
I have been completely avoided this topic with anyone most of the time. I just need to throw something out there in the form of this blog. I still have trouble finding anybody who I can remotely feel that I can trust completely. Someone who will connect with me and try to understand me. Someone who won't judge me. I have weird ideas and some aren't logical and I need someone to stand by me and listen and let me know that it is okay to think the way that I think. I think this girl who I like could be someone like that if she decided to be. I think the person who I end up with for my life will be like that. I like to listen to her and she is smart and quick on her toes. I think this thing will develop over time, but we will see what happens. If you want to, you can pray for me. Pray for my growing process and my patience. Also, the friends I have through TEC are important to me. I am almost never there anymore, but I made some good friends through that place and I feel the need to let them know that they do matter to me. That was an important part of my life that I will not forget. God bless all!!

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